welcome to my life

I was the one putting the smile on her, I believed that I will never fuck it up anymore. 

But yet, till this day, I messed up whatever happiness I had.

Looking back at whatever I've said in my blog

So much I wish that I could give the tightest slap on my face

To be honest, this 2 years and 4 months has been the happiest moment of my life.

It was truly, the feeling I've never had before

I showered whatever love I had on her

Tried to give my best to her.

But now, I did not even realized that she was unhappy

She was unhappy all along, and I never noticed till the very last

I was dumb, stupid, oblivious, whatever you all can call.

I started to say "me, me and me" but never thought of "us"

I became insensitive, hurting her more and more.

I thought that she would never leave me, and we could fix things if anything was wrong

It all eventually added up, and she took a step out

My pillar of strength and hope was gone

I never knew that we were actually hanging on to this thin line.

I told myself that we were still going strong, and will get stronger as time passes

But who knew, I began to put in lesser effort, and thought everything was okay

Times and times, she suffered in silence, but I've never bothered to ask

Procrastinate, contemplate, starting to not appreciate

I blamed myself so hard, so hard for not putting in more effort

She was the love of my life, she was.

I told myself I must make her the women that would walk down that aisle with me

I always thought I was the best guy that she could ever had

I disappointed her so much that the damage couldn't be recovered

Now, I sit here in solitary, thinking of things that I could have done, but didn't have the chance to do so anymore

I have no one to blame other than myself, I've screwed things up beyond repair

I always have to learn things the hard way

I want to apologize to her, for bringing her so much suffering

If there was a rewind button, I will sincerely change myself for the better good.

So much things, that I want to do with her, that I have yet to do

I brought such monotonous relationship to her, that I want to be brightening it up more

If there was a second chance, if there was....

I will never, ever let anything like that happen again

I really need her back, so much

No words can ever describe this void in my heart that can only be filled by her

一起走到完吧

我都会一直在你旁边陪你一起走

Can it still be done? I don't know, but my heart is hanging on to all that hope I have

Sometimes i forget to say I love you, but I never forget to feel it

I love you