It has been long eh? Since i've came back to this little space of mine
The place where I usually vent my stuff out at.
Time, really flies. So many things come smacking to my face after ORD
All the fears of growing up.
All the scary stuff I read online, saying how scary adulthood is
I have never been able to understand it till now, after entering the workforce
I had a first time in everything
First time taking a full time job
First time taking responsibility for what I do
My first birthday spent alone
My first pay I get for working my ass off.
Shortly after I ord-ed, I began pondering on what I want for my future
How sad is it though, when people ask me
"what are your plans for the future"
"What are your aims after ord"
I only had to respond with
"I dont know"
"ζδΈη₯ι”
A man without a aim or a target, is really the most pathetic man that one could be
Even till now I couldnt mature up to dream, or fight for a future.
Lucky for me, managed to get a job at joe&dough
It pays 1.4k per month
Which is really low, considering i take home only 1.1k per month.
People do say why am i doing this, whem i could have been paid better working in a lab.
But I believe a job should be one that makes you wanna come back, and not dreading everyday going to work.
So I stuck to what I believed and went on
But sometimes work really gives me the stress that I cant handle
It gets really bad sometimes that I cant sleep well at night, waking up every once and awhile.
Boss getting pissed at every single thing I do.
I do, suffer.
But, this is what I am
Always thinking that I know everything.
Ended up the only one suffering is me
I dread it, really, but I have to be responsible for what I took up.
I do, feel empty sometimes
I am beginning to understand why I Cannot hold conversations with people without people feeling awkward.
I always asked myself why people sometimes avoid talking with me.
Like really, I want to be as intetesting as possible, but I caan never pull it off.
I will end up making conversations boring and stuff.
I really am trying hard.
Its not I dont want to, but I really cant.
It gets frustuating at times.
Not at them, but at me being stupid at stuffs like this.
Being at work made me learnt alot of stuff
The reality of the harsh and cold world
The responsibilities that I have
How to handle my own emotions and not showing it
And mainly, to mature up
Its time to mature up
Its time for me to enter my adulthood
Goodbye to my younger self
I think its time for me to think for the future, and no more playing around.
I, will probably never be the bubbly and cheerful Jordan I will ever used to be anymore
No comments:
Post a Comment